How to build and cultivate resilience

We can develop and improve our resilience. As with developing muscles, increasing resilience is a process that takes time and intentional practice.

Develop self-awareness
The first step in building resilience is self-awareness. Self-awareness refers to being able to recognise and understand our emotions, personal preferences, values, strengths and weaknesses. It is a realistic and balanced appraisal of our skills and competencies and an understanding what is within our realm of competence and what is beyond us. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses and how you typically respond to stress and adversity is the first step toward learning more adaptive strategies.

Build self-regulation skills

Self-regulation refers to the ability to change one’s thoughts, emotions, behaviours and physiology in order to gain a desired outcome. It includes being able to resist highly emotional reactions to upsetting stimuli, to calm yourself down when you get upset, to adjust to a change in expectations, and to handle frustration without an outburst. Remaining focused in the face of stress and adversity is important but not easy. Stress-reduction techniques, such as breathing exercise, mindfulness and guided imagery can help us to regulate emotions, thoughts, and behaviours.

Practice emotional and mental agility

Emotional agility is an individual’s ability to experience their thoughts and emotions and events in a way that doesn’t drive them in negative ways, but rather encourages them to reveal the best of themselves. Accurately labelling an emotion is a psychological superpower, it transforms murky experiences into more finite experiences with boundaries. Labelling our emotions allows us to gain perspective on our mental processes, which in turn reduces their power over us.
Mental agility refers to the ability to look at situations from multiple perspectives and to think creatively and flexibly.
– Keep things in perspective
– Reframe your negative thoughts
– Seek meaning in adversity
– Learn to let go
– Accept change
– Maintain a hopeful outlook
– Learn from your past.

Know your strengths

All too often we feel powerless in our lives and circumstances. But we do have power, we have the power to improve our resilience, we can draw on our strengths to become overcome adversity and thrive in life. Our strengths give meaning to our lives, and they also help us to construct meaning out of life. People feel more capable and confident when they can engage authentically with their strengths to overcome challenges and create a life aligned with their values. Human strengths can also have qualities of transcendence. Resilience research emphasises the importance of a person’s ability to transcend life circumstances. Strengths help one transcend and improve personal circumstances.

Ask yourself:
– What is the best thing about me?
– What do you like most about myself?
– What am I like when I am at my best?
– What, or who brings out the best in me?
– What is my most significant achievement?
– How have my strengths helped me in the past?
– How can my strengths help me in this situation?

Get connected
The ability to build and maintain strong, trusting relationships play a vital role in resilience. Research has shown that social connections can potentially buffer against negative physical and mental health outcomes, and promote resilience.  One of the best antidotes to stress is social support. Building strong, positive relationships with family and friends can provide you with needed support and acceptance in good times and bad. When we feel connected to others, or have an outlet for working through whatever we’re going through, we are better able to overcome adversity. Strengthen your existing social connections and find opportunities to build new ones.
– Prioritize positive relationships
– Connect with friends and family on a regular basis
– Schedule meetings and show up
– Practice good communication and conflict regulation skills
– Join a support group

Develop an Internal Locus of Control
When someone has an internal Locus of Control, they feel that they are in charge of themselves and their circumstances. They focus on what they can control and do what they can to make the best of the situations they find themselves in. This is similar to having a sense of autonomy, an ability to act independently and to feel a sense of control over one’s environment. In contrast, those with an external Locus of Control focus on things that are external to them and outside of their control. Individuals with an internal locus of control or challenge perspective view problems as opportunities for growth and as a chance to improve themselves.
– Believe That You are in Control of Your Life.
– Focus on What You Can Control
– Developing a Mindset That Fosters Success
– Learn to Perceive Obstacles as Challenges Rather Than Hindrances

Find Purpose and Meaning
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how –
Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who have a sense of purpose or meaning in their lives have been shown to be more resilient than those who do not. Having purpose makes it easier to bounce back in challenging times by providing perspective, stability, confidence and determination. It is much more difficult to feel defeated when you are passionate and purposeful about your journey.

Researchers suggest that living a more altruistic life, or a life with purpose helps us become more resilient. Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Try to make every day meaningful and notice what happened in your day that was meaningful on a regular basis. Set goals to help you look toward the future with meaning.

– Help others
– Move toward your goals
– Look for opportunities for self-discovery

Learn coping skills
Building healthy coping skills is an effective way to increase your overall resilience. There are many stress management habits that can help in dealing with stressful and challenging situations. These include journaling, diaphragmatic breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, reframing thoughts, exercising, spending time outdoors, socialising, improving sleep patterns, and tapping into creative outlets.

Increase realistic optimism
Realistic optimism refers to the ability to balance out negative and positive things in situations, circumstances and people. It is the ability to notice and expect the positive, to focus on what you can control, and to take purposeful action. Optimism is linked to feeling that what you’re doing is worth it, you have the skills you need to do it and are able to deal with difficulty. People who are more optimistic tend to feel more in control of their outcomes. To build optimism, focus on what you can do when faced with a challenge, and identify positive, problem-solving steps that you can take.

– Embrace Reality
– Expect the unexpected
– Be proactive instead of reactive
– Don’t obsess over unpleasant events
– Keep a sense of humour
– Remain hopeful

Develop Effective Problem Solving skills

Identify ways within your control to work and resolve a problem. Take action to solve problems rather than waiting for the problem to solve itself. Develop your problem-solving skills through strategies like making a list of potential ways to solve your current problem. Learn from experience. Think of how you’ve coped with hardships in the past. Consider the skills and strategies that helped you through difficult times.

Adopt a five step approach to problem solving:
1. Identify the actual problem (which is actually a goal setting exercise).
2. Break the problem down into smaller, more manageable steps if the whole problem seems overwhelming
3. Generate possible solutions which will involve thinking comprehensively through all the possible solutions and analysing each one in turn
4. Evaluate the options in order to decide which of the approaches will be applied to the problem you are faced with
5. Monitor the result to ensure it has solved your problem, and if not, return to step 2 and continue with the process until the problem is eventually resolved.

Effective Goal-Setting
Setting realistic and attainable goals will help you feel a sense of control over situations, particularly during stressful and unpredictable times. Attaining those goals help to build resilience.
– Learn the basics of SMART goal-setting. SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. If your goal doesn’t contain on all these elements, it is possibly too vague to be successful.
– Evaluate the scope of their goals and break larger goals into smaller steps to become more attainable.
– Accept that change is an inevitable part of living, and that we can always replace goals that have become unattainable with new, more relevant goals.
– Focus on Progress, not Goals.
– Reward yourself for the progress you are making, no matter how small.

Seek Help
Remember you are not alone on the journey. Getting help when you need it is crucial in building your resilience. While you may not be able control your circumstance, you can grow